are you so shy because you have an std?
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
