He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Success! We fucked roommates!
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
