i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
