Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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