I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
