it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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