somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
