He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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