when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Couch. On fire.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
