just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
