I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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