this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize