my sisters under your porch take her home
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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