I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
my nose is crying tears of wow.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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