I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Randomize
