Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
