What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
