I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize