you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
