ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
