I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
