I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
