you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Randomize
