May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
