I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
