I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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