If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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