he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
