Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
