Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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