he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
