I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
