all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
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