I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Are we still banned from the library?
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
