It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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