When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I forgot wine drunk hurts
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
