God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
