he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize