Sry I called you an 8
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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