I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
