I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
birth control should be required to get into college
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
