His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
