Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
