you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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