if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
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