party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Randomize
