dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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