Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize
