I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize