i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
