so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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