Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Randomize
