after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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