doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
