yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
