We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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