new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
