I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
