sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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