$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize