and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
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