genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
