I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
