I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Randomize
